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IN the past WEek, I’ve come across and read three different publications championINg Childlessness — each PresentINg arguments agaINst havINg Children. After noticINg recurrINg themes, I compiled a list of the most common 'reasons not to have a Child' — and I couldn’t help but debunk them.
Let me start off by providINg a general response to ANYONE Who champions Childlessness —
SayIng “I don’t want Children” IS Truthfully a lot like sayINg, “I wish I was never Born,” when you really thINk about it. BEcause, fun fact: the only reason you’re Here IS that someOne, somewHere, someday decided they wanted Children —and voilà, Here you are, contemplatINg an alternate reality wHere you don’t exist BEcause … WELL, your Parents had different priorities. All that to say — let’s not pretend WE didn’t get Here via, you Know, the exact Path WE’re Now dismissINg and denyINg.
Let that marINate for as long as you need.
While you let that marINate,
Let’s explore and examINe the aforementioned list, from and through an existential lens. One that considers the Human condition, the contINuity of Life, and our place IN a generational chaIN.
What IS revealed IN thIS compilation of “reasons” IS a troublINg undercurrent / overcurrent of self-centeredness and shortsightedness. Even more, what IS revealed IS denial of the very process that made our very existence possible.
1. “PREGNANCY AND BIRTH TERRIFY ME.”
Fear IS a primal emotion, however allowINg it to dictate our Choices fosters a culture of Death — rather than a culture of Life. Every Human Born came from a Woman Who faced that same fear and Chose to endure it. ImagINe, for a moment, your MotHER, your grandMotHER, your great-grandMotHER — and the long lINe of Women BEfore them. Each One felt some measure of that same fear. The vulnerability of pregnancy, the INtensity of ChildBirth, the profound pressure of usherINg Life INto the World — it’s a fear etched INto the Female story. And yet, they ALL pressed on. Had they submitted to that fear, you would not BE Here. Your fear would not even exist — BEcause you would not exist — without their Choice to confront it. To let fear obstruct the Creation of Life IS to deny the very courage that Birthed us All.
2. “I FEAR FOR THE FUTURE.” X “THE WORLD IS BROKEN.” X “I CAN’T BRING A CHILD INTO THIS.”
If fear for the Future IS drivINg people aWay from havINg Children, then the greatest victory BElongs to those Who wish to replace Organic and ordaINed Life with engINeered existence.
Ultimately, the Future IS DEFINED by those Who dare to INvest IN it.
WE are All descendants (and BEneficiaries) of those Who DARED.
Those Who dared to Live, to proCreate, to protect, to preServe, TO PERSEVERE.
To even exist IN thIS moment, you needed:
2 Parents
4 grandParents
8 great-grandParents
16 second great-grandParents
32 third great-grandParents
64 fourth great grandParents
128 fifth great-grandParents
256 sixth great-grandParents
512 seventh great-grandParents
1024 eighth great-grandParents
2048 ninth great-grandParents
That’s 4,094 ancestors over the last 400 years — each One courageously ChoosINg Life despite the wars, plagues, famINes, and uncertaINties of their time.
LET THAT LAND.
Brokenness has alWays BEen part of the Human story. But so has BEaUty. To stop CreatINg Life BEcause of sufferINg IS to forfeit Faith IN the LivINg Future.
Root and rest IN the KnowINg that Children are not victims of the World — but victors through Jesus Christ.
3. “I DON’T WANT TO GIVE UP MY ALONE TIME.”
Said no 70-year-old, wastINg aWay IN a retirement Home, longINg for care from the Family She never Created / CONTINUED.
No further commentary.
4. “I DON’T WANT MY BODY TO CHANGE.”
ThIS IS perhaps the most transparently vaIN rationale. It’s a tragedy that our culture has taught Women to see their Bodies as ornaments to BE maINtaINed, rather than bridges of Life. The changes that come with MotHERhood are not disfigurements or flaws — they are marks of Creation, evidence of a Body fulfillINg its Creational design. To reject thIS for the sake of appearance IS to trade the Eternal for the temporal, and to miss the BEaUty and Favor IN BEINg part of God’s Life-givINg work.
I go really IN-depth on thIS subject matter IN Maiden’s Glimmer, MotHER’s GLOW
5. “I VALUE THE FREEDOM OF SPONTANEITY.”
Eventually, “freedom” without responsibility breeds emptiness. The spontaneity idolized IN Youth Will INevitably fade INto loneliness later IN Life. Yes, Parenthood INtroduces and unlocks the Highest level of duty and Devotion, however, these are the pillars upon which a meanINgful Life IS built.
6. “PEOPLE WITH CHILDREN ARE MORE CONTROLLABLE.” X “RAISING CHILDREN EXTINGUISHES REVOLUTIONARY FERVOR.”
The assertions that havINg Children renders INdividuals more controllable, while the Childless are INHERently more ungovernable, and that raISINg Children extINguishes revolutionary fervor, are simply wrong. Some of the most “radicalized” people I Know are Parents PRECISELY BEcause the responsibility they BEar for their Children compels and convicts them to demand a BEtter / THE BEST Future.
To suggest that Families are easily coerced BEcause they “have too much to lose”, IS simply wrong. IN fact, it IS PRECISELY BEcause they have so much to lose that Parents are often more INclINed, than a “Childless” person, to take bigger action. The stakes are Higher, and their INvestment IN the LivINg Future IS profoundly personal. Parents are more likely to question AUTHORity when it threatens their Children’s WELLBEINg, and they take significant risks to protect and preServe the LivINg Future so that their Children — and their Children’s Children — can Live WELL.
7. “FEEDING A CAT / DOG IS ENOUGH COMMITMENT.”
First and foremost — let’s stop equatINg caring for a Cat / Dog with Child-BEarINg and Child-rearINg. Needless to say, they are not the same.
Perhaps it’s enough commitment, however, IS it enough fulfillment?
Modern culture IS hyperfixated on the “cost” of commitment — how much time, energy, and sacrifice somethINg requires — while rarely considerINg the COST of avoidance. WE measure obligations IN terms of what they demand from us, yet fail to ask what WE might BE forfeitINg by not steppINg INto them.
Yes, raISINg Children IS an immense commitment. It requires patience, selflessness, and a complete reorderINg of your Personhood and priorities. But what IS the opportUNITY cost of avoidINg that commitment? What calls to action and Service, depths of Love and INdividual (and consequentially, collective) transformations are BEINg left on the table?
Fulfillment IS seldom found IN a Life of mINimized responsibility. The thINgs that require the most from us — often give us the most IN return. It’s simple math. Commitment stretches us, refINes us, and Roots us IN somethINg bigger and greater than ourselves. A Life spent avoidINg commitment may feel free, but IS it ever Truly full?
The deeper the commitment, the richer the fulfillment.
The greater the responsibility, the more profound the reward.
IN the end, the real question ISn’t “how much Will thIS cost me?” but “how much Will I miss if I don’t Choose it?”
8. “I DON’T WANT TO LOSE MY IDENTITY.”
What if thIS pilgrimage doesn’t strip aWay your identity, but INstead reveals it?
Scripture teaches us that our identity IS not somethINg WE INvent; it IS somethINg WE reflect. WE are made IN the image of God (𝗚𝗲𝗻𝗲𝘀𝗶𝘀 𝟭:𝟮𝟳), which means our Truest and Purest identity IS not found IN fleetINg and fickle self-concepts. It IS found IN BEcomINg and BEINg a clearer revelation of the One Whose image WE BEar.
Contrary to popular BElief, Parenthood does not erase identity — it restores it. It strips aWay self-absorption, deepens our capacity to Love, and teaches us sacrificial Devotion. IN doINg so, it brINgs us closer to the HeART of God. After All, what IS more Christlike than layINg down One’s own comfort, Plans, and preferences for the sake of another?
The fear of “losINg oneself” IN Parenthood assumes that our current identity IS the most complete version of Who WE are. But what if the version of you that emerges through the stretchINg, the sacrifice, and the sanctification IS actually Who you are?
9. “I FEAR BECOMING A SINGLE MOTHER.”
Rather than rejectINg MotHERhood altogether, thIS concern poINts to somethINg deeper: the dire responsibility Women have IN ChoosINg their Husbands and, INevitably, the FatHERs of their Children, Wisely.
ThIS IS wHere many Women go wrong. Modern culture encourages Women to prioritize chemistry over character, excitement over stability, and carnal attraction over sacrificial Love. The result? A generation of absent FatHERs and a culture steeped IN FatHERlessness.
The breakdown of the Family didn’t BEgIN with sINgle MotHERhood — it BEgan long BEfore that, IN the failure to dIScern diligently when ChoosINg a Spouse. A Man IS not a FatHER simply BEcause He shares DNA with a Child. FatHERhood requires INtegrity, Devotion, disciplINe and sacrifice. Women have BEen enTrusted with the responsibility of ChoosINg a Man Who Will embody these qualities, Who Will stand firm IN His duty, and Who Will reflect the FatHERhood of God.
The answer to the fear of sINgle MotHERhood IS not to reject the BlessINg of Children, but to raise the standard for the Men WE give ourselves to. A culture of FatHERlessness IS not INevitable — it IS the very rotten Fruit of careless decisions and a society that has undervalued Holy Matrimony, MotHERhood, and FatHERhood.
Rather than fearINg sINgle MotHERhood, let’s cultivate dIScernment. Let’s restore the WEight and Wisdom needed IN courtship. Let’s encourage Women to Choose Men who INnerstand that Holy Matrimony IS not just about romance — it IS about buildINg a Faithful and firm foundation for generations to come.
Fatherlessness IS not just a crisis of absent Men — it IS a crisis and consequence of misguided Choices, by Women.
Remember,
YOU CAN CHOOSE YOUR HUSBAND — but your Children cannot Choose their FatHER.
The Man you Choose to BE your Husband and the FatHER of your Children — Will BE the example your Son follows, and the example your Daughter marry’s.
Do not base thIS Choice on your Eye BEINg pleased and your flesh BEINg deLighted.
10. “I DON’T WANT TO BE REDUCED TO DOMESTIC LABOR.” X “I DON’T WANT TO SACRIFICE MY CAREER.”
Work achievements fade; Life imparted endures.
Our culture has shifted so far from God’s design that the virtues of Womanhood, Wifehood and MotHERhood are Now scorned, while DevotINg oneself to a corporation — whose primary goal IS profit — IS heralded as the ultimate achievement. It’s an INversion of what IS Truly VITAl and valuable.
A Woman Who pours Herself INto Her Family and Home IS fulfilling an appoINtment with God — that has an Eternal ROI, so to speak. Yet society has twisted thIS INto somethINg “lesser,” dismissINg it as unambitious or regressive. Meanwhile, the pursuit of INdividualism, hustle culture, and endless “progress” — often at the expense of Who and WHAT Truly matters — has BEen enshrINed as most valuable.
What’s even more ironic IS that the corporate World exploits Women, treatINg them as “assets” while convINcINg them it’s “empowerINg”. They are celebrated for their ECOnomic output, not for their INHERent dignity as a Child of God Who was Created Female.
ThIS cultural aversion to Home-makINg IS a symptom of a deeper disorder: a culture that prizes consumption over Creation, INdependence over INterdependence, and self-idolization and self-preServation over self-sacrifice. It’s no wonder that when Women Choose to Live counterculturally by embracINg their role as Homemakers, it sparks discomfort — it challenges the entire narrative of what “progress” IS supposed to look like.
But WE Know The Truth. A Woman’s MotHERhood and FAITH outLives Her. What could BE more valuable, VITAl and virtuous?
The World may not INnerstand it, but WE Serve an Audience of One, and He does.
11. “I CAN’T BALANCE WORK AND MOTHERHOOD.”
Perhaps the problem IS not that MotHERhood IS INcompatible with work, but that modern work culture IS INcompatible with MotHERhood.
The struggle to "balance" work and MotHERhood IS a symptom of a World that demands Women function like Men — detached from their BIOlogical design, and unencumbered by Family responsibilities. But Women are not Men. WE are Created to nurture, to cultivate, to build Homes and relationships that endure WELL BEyond quarterly reports and annual salaries. The real crisis IS not that MotHERhood disrupts work, but that the modern workforce was never designed to accommodate the sacred work of Women IN MotHERhood IN the first place.
The notion of "balance" assumes that work and MotHERhood must exist IN equal measure, that Women should BE able to do everythINg at once without sacrificINg anythINg. But True balance does not mean splittINg yourself INto pieces — it means KnowINg what deServes priority. And MotHERhood IS not just another obligation to juggle; it IS a callINg that transcends career goals and workplace expectations.
The World tells Women they must “have it All” but refuses to acKnowledge that havINg it All often means losINg somethINg far greater — the irreplaceable, transient moments of a Child’s Life, the depth of connection that only comes from Presence, the unique privilege of shapINg the next generation firsthand.
INstead of askINg, “how can I balance it All?”, perhaps the BEtter question IS: "what IS actually worth prioritizINg?" BEcause the work of MotHERhood — raisINg Souls, INstillINg values, buildINg a legacy — IS the kINd of work that lasts far BEyond any job title or paycheck.
12. “BEING ‘NEEDED’ STRESSES ME OUT.”
What if BEINg needed IS what actually gives Life to you?
WE Live IN a World that glamorizes and glorifies autonomy — wHere INdependence IS seen as the ultimate goal and obligations are viewed as burdens rather than BlessINgs. But the reality IS, BEINg needed Breathes Life INto us. It anchors us IN Purpose. It calls us BEyond ourselves and gives our days more WEight, more meanINg, and more matter.
The irony IS that while people fear BEINg needed, they also fear BEINg forgotten. They want freedom from responsibility, yet they long for significance. However, significance comes from BEINg needed — from BEINg someOne Whose Presence, Love, and care make a tangible difference IN the Lives of others.
Rather than fearINg BEINg needed, WE should fear a Life wHere no One would need us — wHere our Presence or absence makes little difference.
I INvite you to notice the thread of fear woven through the list I compiled.
Fear IS INverted Faith. Fear whispers that Life IS too uncertaIN, that sufferINg IS too great, that responsibility IS too heavy. It convINces us that avoidINg sacrifice IS the Path to freedom, that retreatINg from Creation IS Wisdom, and that self-preServation IS the Highest virtue.
Fear IS a thief. It steals legacy. It silences the call to action and Service. It keeps us small, stagnant, and severed from the very process that begets Life.
Fear (which comes from the Enemy) IS our ONLY TRUE ADVERSARY.
A Choice made out of fear — IS no Choice at All.
Faith IS our greatest ally and asset — and God our greatest advocate.
Throughout Human History, every generation has faced fear. Yet, they Chose Life anyWay — not BEcause they WEre fearless, but BEcause they Knew that fear IS never a worthy master.
To surrender to fear IS to surrender the Future itself. But to stand IN Faith — to embrace the Mystery and Miracle, the sacrifice, and the sanctification of brINgINg Life forward — IS to walk IN accordance and alignment with our Creational DestINy.
BEcause IN the end, the real cost IS not IN ChoosINg to BEar Life.
To reject Parenthood out of fear, vanity, or convenience IS to deny the very process that brought us INto BEINg. It IS, IN essence, to wish WE had never BEen Born.
WE brINg Honor to The One and to those Who gave us Life not by severINg the chaIN, but by ChoosINg to carry it forward.
